Sezvo mumwe angafungidzira, hapana mhinduro yakajeka uye iri nyore kumubvunzo uyu wekare. Chinonyanya kukosha ndechokuedza kuona kana vana vachange vari nani mumusha umo amai nababa vasina kufara pamwe chete asi kuchengetedza mhuri yakasimba kana mudzimba mbiri apo amai nababa vanofara asi kwete pamwe chete.
Dambudziko rekugara pamwe chete
Nhengo dzakawanda dzevabereki vevabereki vanoona chimwe chezvipingamupinyi zvakanyanya kuvana vekugara mumhuri yakazara nehasha, kushungurudzika, uye kurwadziwa ndeyokuti vanodzidza unyanzvi hwekurera vana huchazoenderera kuchizvarwa chinotevera.
Vabereki vasingagoni kubata nehurumende nemakakatanwa kana avo vanopesana nemubereki wekuita zvisarudzo muenzaniso unotadza uye unogona kukuvadza.
Mukuwedzera, vamwe vana vangave vari pangozi yekuregererwa kana vabereki vakavharidzirwa munyaya dzavo. Kuregererwa kunogona kuve kwenyama (kusatora nguva yezvokudya zvine utano kana kutsamwa zvakanyanya zvokuti vabereki vanocherechedza kubereka) kana manzwiro (vabereki havaendi pamwe chete kune zviitiko zvinokosha zvemwana kana kuti vanogona kuedza mumwe nomumwe kuti vaparadze mwana kubva mumwe mubereki).
Kana vabereki vasingakwanisi kurarama pamwe chete mumusha mumwechete pasina kushanda zvakanaka pamwe chete sevabereki-pamwe chete, uye kana kuberekerana kwakadaro kwaizoshanda zviri nani kugara mumisha yakasiyana, iyo inogona kunge iri chiratidzo chekuti kurambana kwaizova nzira yakanaka.
Zvakakosha Kuti Ugare pamwe chete
Judith Wallerstein, munyori weThe Unexpected Legacy of Divorce , anogutsikana, zvichibva pakutsvakurudza kwake, kuti vana vanowanzova nani kana mhuri ichiramba yakasimba, kunyange kana vabereki vasisati vava murudo.
Kana mai nababa vanogona kuramba vari pamwe chete uye vashande pamwe chete kumubereki, kunyange kana vakasuruvara kana vakasurukirwa, uye vanogona kudzivisa kuisa pachena vana kuti varwane uye vanokakavara, uye kubatana pamwe chete pasi pedenga rimwe chete kuri nani. Uye apo kubereka mubvunzo zvakajeka kuzvipira kweumwe iwe kune vana, kurarama mumhuri inosuruvarisa kwemakore gumi kana kupfuura inogona kunge yakanyanya kubvunza.
Ongororo yeWallerstein yakawana kuti migumisiro yekurambana nevana, uye kunyanya pakati pevana ava vanokura kusvika pakuva vanhu vakuru, vanovhiringidzika mupfungwa zvokuti vabereki vanofanira kugara pamwe chete pamutengo upi zvawo. Mukuona kwake, imba yakachengetwa pamwe chete nevana, iri nani kudarika yakanakisisa kurambana.
Ungasarudza Sei?
- Pane kushungurudzwa here? Pakati pese, nyanzvi dzevabereki dzinobvumirana kuti vana havafaniri kuchengetwa mumhuri umo kuri kuramba kuri kushungurudzwa kwemarudzi ose. Kurambana kunofanira kuitika kana mwana ari kurarama nemubereki ari kuvashandisa zvepabonde, mumuviri kana mupfungwa. Kunyange zvazvo zviri pachena kuti kusavimbika kunogona kuchinjwa nekugadziriswa, zvinonyatsojekesa kuti kuchinja kwakadaro kunopera. Iko kune zviitiko apo mubereki anokanganisa anogona kuwana rubatsiro, dzidza unyanzvi hwekubereka huri nani uye uchinje mararamiro avo asina kunaka, uye mumatambudziko iwayo, kuparadzana kungave kwakagadzirirwa. Asi kana tsika dzisingashanduki, vana vari nani kuti vadzivirirwe kubva pakushungurudzwa.
- Vabereki vangabatana here? Chimwe chezvinhu zvinokosha ndezvekuti vabereki vanogona kubvumirana kuisa kugutsikana kwavo mumhuri kubata nekuda kwevana. Icho chirevo chakareba asi nokutendeseka, ndicho icho chatinyorera painenge tasarudza kuva vabereki. Saka, kana vabereki vane ruzivo rwakakura rwunoda kuisa vana pakutanga, kubatana nemubereki zvakanaka uye kuchengetedza kusawirirana kwavo kusununguka nekuda kwevana, ivo vachava nemukana kana amai nababa vachigara pamwechete. Kana zvisina kudaro, vana vanogona kunge vari nani kunoshumira kuburikidza nekurambana kunofadza.
- Muchato ungagona kugadziriswa here? Zvichida mubvunzo unonyanya kukosha ndewekuti imba yacho yakaderera kusvika pakusagadzikana. Vaviri vacho vakatsvaga rubatsiro kubva kune avo vane ruzivo rwemhuri varapi, vafundisi kana zvimwe zvakadaro? Mune murume nemudzimai vakatevedzera mazano akanaka here? Pane here kusatendeseka kwepabonde kusina kumiswa uye kuedza kwekuvakazve kuvimba? Vasati varambana uye vanotsungirira kushungurudzika kwakanyanya kwekuti kurambana kunogadzira, vakaroorana vanofanira kuita zvose zvavanogona kuti vadzorere chisungo chewanano.
Pakupedzisira, kana kuroorana kunogona kugadziriswa uye kuvakwazve nekuda kwevana zvichida mubvunzo unokosha zvikuru. Kunyanya kukoshesa manzwiro ekugadzirisa ukama hutsva uye hwakasimba pakati paamai nababa mumhuri yakagadzikana ndizvo chaizvoizvo zvinofanira kuitika, kana zvichibvira, nokuda kwevana.
Kana Kurambana Kusingaitiki
Kutsvakurudza kunobva kuna E. Mavis Hetherington naJohn Kelly kuZvi nani kana Zvakaipisisa: Kurambana Kunoratidzwa kunoratidza kuti vanenge 80 muzana yevana vevabereki vakarambana vanopera sevanofara uye vakagadziriswa sevana vanobva mumhuri yakasimba, naizvozvo kana kurambana uye kugoverana kwekubatana kwevana Kuberekera vana zvakanaka, vana vanogona kunge vakanaka.
Dambudziko guru ndiko kuve nechokwadi kuti vose mai nababa vanogona kushanda pamwe chete nekuda kwevana mukuvabereki vavo zvakajeka. Mafungiro akadaro uye kuzvipira kunoita kuti kurambana kusanyanya kunorwadza uye zvishoma zvishoma zvinoita kuti vana vabudirire.